Last week I discharged one of my families from my care, and as always it felt emotional. But something about this client hit a little harder.
My client reached out to me when she was around 16 weeks pregnant. She is a midwife herself and she was looking for the continuity of an independent midwife throughout her journey. I saw a lot of myself in her, and still do… Our stories and experiences from work and motherhood are very alike.
When she told me she was a midwife, there was this extra level of “pressure”. I always want to do the best for my clients, naturally, but “midwifing the midwife” always comes with a slight level of stress. You want to offer them the information, but you’re also super aware that they know a lot of the information you’re going to give. It’s a balancing act. I remember in my pregnancy I would ask my midwife (who was one of my closest friends) to treat me like I wasn’t a midwife, and I hope my client and her partner felt this in my approach. We often would go off on a tangent, talking in midwifery jargon, and then realise what we were doing when her partner gave a little vacant look at us both!! I would also remind her (on several occasions!!) to “take off your midwifery hat”, but in reality this is extremely difficult to do as a midwife.
My client booked at 27 weeks and we spent many hours talking about her pregnancy and birth plans, however we would always end up talking about midwifery care and the current maternity system at some point. I would try to steer our conversations back to her pregnancy, but it was always inevitable. Ask any midwife… You get a group of us together and all we can talk about is birth, pregnancy and “the system”. We had deep conversations about how motherhood is shaped by pregnancy and birth experiences, and ultimately by those who are there supporting you. We could have sat and spoken for hours, debating the ins and outs of midwifery and motherhood… I really hope we get the opportunity to do so again in the future. I’ve been planting (very obvious!!) seeds for her to come and work alongside myself in the future, but that’s another conversation for another day and after her maternity leave!!
Ultimately, being a midwife and then experiencing your own birth and pregnancy journey can be really bloody hard. There is an expectation that you “know” what you’re doing, and a pressure to “get it right”. As midwives, we sadly experience a level of trauma throughout our careers and are conditioned into certain ways of working that make you feel the need to conform to rules and guidance.
Midwives and their pregnancies usually go one of two ways, from my experience. Either everything is super simple and remains very “normal”, or you face every bump in the road and end up with things way off your plans. I’m not going to share my clients birth journey, this is her story to tell. But she faced everything in her pregnancy and birth with a confidence and strength that I admire so much. Our pregnancies and births tell similar stories, and I wish I had tackled my pregnancy journey in the way that she did. I am so thankful for her trust in me, she has taught me a lot. I will take so much of this experience into both my future practice and maybe one day my next pregnancy and birth journey, should we decide add to our family.
The photo is of the gift she very kindly bought for me. A fetoscope was on my (ever lengthening) list of things I want to add into my practice, and is a very apt gift from a midwife! I will treasure this and be reminded of our journey together whenever I use it 😊
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